Do you ever remember hearing the saying ” Blood is thicker than water”?
I think there is some truth in those words. We have a blended family meaning that we have an adopted child and natural born children. Our house was always full of love, laughter and the moments we would never forget.
When children are growing up in a blended family they should all feel the same love and support and know they were wanted, needed and cared for. This is what we did to ensure there were no differences in our children. They were all our children and that was all that mattered.
What no one tells you is that the adopted child never feels like they belong. Deep down inside they always feel different from their friends and family members.They feel like they were abandoned by their birth parents and unwanted. It was as though they always had this void in their life they needed to fill.
When adopted children get around 14- 16 years old they start asking a lot more questions. By the time they are 25 – 30 years old their quest is to meet their birth parents the ones they have longed for. They need to make that connection they felt they never had. You can not stop them even though you know this will not turn out well. They are trying to find what is missing in their life so they can feel complete.
While this all seems innocent at the time that is when everything in your life and theirs will change forever. In that very moment, they are cutting the cord from the adopted parents but they do not even realize what they are doing yet. All the years you have put into the relationship are gone, washed away and forgotten.You are no longer needed or wanted because they are on a mission to find their adopted parents.
The fairytale of the adopted child might be they are welcomed with open arms by these magnificent people who are rich and very happy. They might all live happily ever after.
What if it’s quite the opposite? What if they never thought about the flip side of the coin? You are a mom you can see that their heart is about to be broken and there is nothing at all you can do to change this.
What if the natural parents were never married and had not seen each other in many years. They are both drug addicts and one is also an alcoholic. Neither one has any money, in fact, they are quite poor after all drugs and alcohol are quite expensive.
The fairytale life they thought they had to look forward to just crumbled fell apart and they crashed.
The adopted child gets to see where their own drug addictions and alcoholism comes from after all those are hereditary traits. Even though they were not living with their natural parents it was in their genes and they were just like them. You can not change the fact that many things are hereditary even personality disorders and mental illness.
The day will come they will realize that the adopted parents were truly great parents, they did not drink or do drugs. They had everything they ever wanted or needed including unconditional love. During their search they never once thought about how this would affect their relationship with the parents who raised them.
That is the moment you realize no matter how hard you tried the difference in your children was is in their blood. This was something you could never change. Everyone was treated the same, give them the same opportunities, loved unconditionally, but you could never change the fact that the adopted child you raised had different blood than you.
Every adopted parent should know this day will come. All you can do is brace yourself for the roller coaster ride. It is not a fun ride it is full of headaches, heartache and pain that will never go away.
Connections take years to build and just moments to break life crumbles right before our eyes. All we can do is pick up the pieces a little bit at a time and someday hope we can get back part of the relationship we spent years building.
That is the moment you realize blood is thicker than water.